Andrea Chacos

VailDaily.com • September 2024

The devil is in the details

My son likes to quote, “Manners maketh man” whenever he sees humankind acting in ways that disrupt his sense of order. I get excited when he speaks like this, not because I raised a son whose command of etiquette would make Emily Post proud, but because I perversely enjoy seeing people behaving recklessly in the wild. It’s like going to the zoo to gawk at orangutans except human beings are more fun because we were taught to pick our noses and fornicate in private.

VailDaily.com • July 2024

How to leave the party with a walking taco

I worked my way toward the door looking for a way to leave the party although I was still having a good time. I had already mingled with friends, contributed to the potluck feast, and wished the guest of honor a happy birthday. I even gave the host a small gift upon my arrival because I knew I wanted to depart a couple of hours later without so much as a goodbye when my bed and a book called me home. I despised the effort in long, drawn-out goodbyes, and preferred a quick and quiet exit instead....

VailDaily.com • July 2024

What if it was more than luck?

“Run. The cops are coming!” yells any teen doing something they’re not supposed to be doing. Everyone scatters because no one wants to risk getting caught. Having to explain the group’s bad behavior to a bunch of dismayed adults is the fastest way to become a pariah in a herd of teenagers.

AspenTimes.com • June 2024

Why do it now when you can wait another day?

This newspaper deadline looms, and I continue to ignore it. No one would label me lazy, but I put off writing this article to organize the linen closet. I also care deeply about brushing the winter coat off my dog, trimming the cat’s nails, and re-arranging the junk drawer in my kitchen. These are very important tasks that need my immediate attention. This essay can wait another day.

VailDaily.com • April 2024

Is there karma?

My body hit the pavement like an asteroid entering Earth’s atmosphere. My face and knee absorbed the initial impact, and I would soon have black and blue marbling like a slab of prime beef served at a high-end restaurant. I lay on the ground stunned until I could confidently roll over and dust off my pride. Some would call this a clumsy accident because I wasn’t looking where I was going, but as I recalled my previous days’ actions, I decided once and for all: Karma is real.

AspenTimes.com • March 2024

Why abortion needs to live

I am in a crowded park using a toilet without a door, there is no toilet paper, and everyone is staring at me because I’m sitting naked from the waist down. A week earlier, I approached a hairpin turn and continued to pick up speed. No matter how hard I pressed the brake pedal, I could not stop the car.

VailDaily.com • February 2024

A teenagers’ guide to calling out ‘sick’ from work

I think death is knocking on my bedroom door ready to put me out of my snotty misery, but it’s only my father with a cup of tea and a thermometer to take my temperature. I have a flair for the dramatic and cough loudly. I want to call out sick from my part-time weekend job, but I am in no condition for responsibility. I’m too impossibly weak to lift the telephone receiver to call my boss and tell him I won’t be able to come to work this Saturday.

AspenTimes.com • January 2024

A five-step roadmap to mountain town reality

Living in a rural, mountain town isn’t easy, and most of the time, we wouldn’t want it any other way. We’re rugged individualists who curate epic adventures, and our shared experiences forge deep bonds with one another. If you come to visit and ever wondered about our quaint way of life, here’s a five-step roadmap that welcomes you to our reality.

Vail Daily • December 2023

Peace and Protest

I could only see a shopping cart, a mannequin and a feather boa when I walked by the loud, messy high school classroom. The shopping cart was filled with books, and it was parked near what looked like a teacher’s desk, although I never saw the English teacher anywhere near it.

Vail Daily • October 2023

The rules of the game

At the edge of town, we have a stubborn red traffic light that refuses to turn green, especially on Sunday mornings. This is when I chaperone a car full of neophytes to their driver’s education class. Part of me wants to wait hours, if not days, for the traffic light to turn green because it’s the law. The other part of me wants to unleash an inner rebel that craves some action. She wants to simultaneously run the red light and yell obscenities while watching it fade away in the rearview mirror.

Aspen Times • September 2023

The doyenne of the trail

I’ve always loved guys, especially smart ones with a personality and good looks. But as I get older, I’m attracted to strong, self-assured women even more than Chris Hemsworth and Jason Momoa combined. According to the Cambridge dictionary, the women I’m drawn to have a fancy French name, too. They are called doyenne, and she is the oldest, most experienced, and often most respected woman involved in a particular type of work.

Vail Daily • August 2023

Does nostalgia live up to the hype?

My son watches me put more coins into the slot and the Skee-balls roll into position. He is not excited to watch me toss tiny balls up an incline and over a hump to win tickets for trinkets I don’t need. I let out a whoop. My son lets out a groan.

Colorado Sun • July 2023

Fireworks are this girl’s best friend

The text message said Happy Anniversary but that’s not what made me smile. The end of the two-word wedding anniversary message was punctuated by a fireworks emoji. I’d expect this type of an emoji from my girlfriend after a grueling 24-hour intermittent fast, but not from my husband of 24 years.

Aspen Times • June 2023

Wisdom my graduate will learn from someone else

We were young, naïve backpackers about to embark on a trek through Europe with no plan, no money, and no return ticket home. We told our parents our goal was to spend a year abroad. We made it three months, and I can now concede — 25 years later — part of that was because we ignored their guidance. We came home with wisdom that was best given on the road by someone other than our parents, and it couldn’t have come to us any other way.

Aspen Times • May 2023

How to be a courteous neighbor in dog town

Legend has it that a woman stepped out of her house one morning into piles of dog poop placed on her porch overnight. From what I’ve been told, the neighbors were fed up with her blatant disregard for four-legged fecal etiquette, especially living in a high-density neighborhood. Some claim the landscaping crew was tired of dodging her dog’s landmines in the common area they maintained. Others say...

Colorado Sun • March 2023

Why I finally said goodbye to my best friend

Beer introduced itself to me in high school and hitched a ride with me when I went away to college. We became sloppy roommates and our intimacy peaked over party kegs, a toilet bowl, and pints of ice cream. One day, beer introduced me to tequila, and I fell hard. We were passionate with one another, and our nights often ended in great sex and a better story the next day. We hooked up only occasionally because our love for one another was so intense.

Post Independent | Citizen Telegram • February 2023

Should you take a road trip with your parents?

As a risk-taker, I agreed to go on a road trip to Mexico … with my parents. A better daughter would have said yes without reservation, but I’m the kind of child that weighs the pros and cons with this type of family togetherness. I accepted the challenge, and included my daughter, knowing we would strengthen our family’s bond and simultaneously fray the delicate tapestry we’ve stitched together over the years. I put my trust in the ride.

Aspen Times • January 2023

How to incarcerate the politically incorrect

The words came out of his mouth before I could stop him. “Where are you from?” he asked. The question was directed at two young women (brown), and I was the older bystander (white). As silence parked between the four of us, the confrontational part of my personality shifted into gear because in my spare time I’m also a member of the Politically Correct (PC) police.

Aspen Times • December 2022

‘Tis the season for online-shopping

I needed to have a Snoop on a Stoop seconds after the advertisement popped up on my social-media feed. He’s like an Elf on a Shelf, only he’s black, and he’s smoking. I don’t know anyone else who owns a smoking Elf, let alone a smoking Snoop, so I bought four of them. The reward for my bulk purchase was a 10% discount and free shipping.

Vail Daily • November 2022

Just try it! The universal taste of soccer

We call it soccer while the rest of the planet calls it fútbol. It’s the world’s most popular game and billions will watch it on television when the final FIFA World Cup match is played on Dec. 18 in Qatar. To put that in perspective, only millions tune in when the Super Bowl is on television, even when Tom Brady’s Patriots beat the Seattle Seahawks in 2015.