Andrea Chacos

Vail Daily | Chacos: Do I hang onto Halloween when I’m the only one? • October 2022

Do I hang onto Halloween when I’m the only one?

I’m in the garage looking for the bin labeled Halloween when I’m told, “It’s way too soon to bring out the skeletons and spider webs.” I try to defend my enthusiasm for the ghoulish tchotchkes that have been buried away for a year, but my youngest child walks out before I can respond. With sweat dripping down my back because the sun still suffocates this time of year, I wonder when everyone in my family turned into such autumnal killjoys.

Vail Daily | Chacos: Are we doomed to have only good vocabulary? • September 2022

Are we doomed to have only good vocabulary?

When I hear a fancy word I don’t know, I open my phone and type it into a page titled, “Words to learn and try out in casual conversation without sounding like an idiot.” Then I slip the phone back into my pocket before anyone notices what I’m doing. I’m not erudite or anything, but I simply love the idea of elevated vocabulary. Unfortunately, my overuse of words like, “awesome” and the ubiquitous “motherf%#er” betray my lofty ambitions.

Vail Daily | Chacos: The long road to constitutional equity • August 2022

The long road to constitutional equity

Women in our country have been lobbying, challenging, rallying, and fighting for civil rights since the U.S. Constitution was ratified in 1788. “We’ve come a long way, baby,” as the saying goes, yet a woman is nowhere close to having constitutional equality with men. The fight is painstakingly long, riddled with many setbacks, and it’s made more challenging when we fight a system designed to keep us marginalized.

Post Independent | Citizen Telegram • August 2022

What is Forced Family Fun?

I can’t take credit for the term, Forced Family Fun, but I do understand the fundamental principles like I wrote the manual. It’s what another dad I know declares as, “So help me sweet Jesus, we’re having non-negotiable time with the family if it’s the last thing we do.”

The Colorado Sun • June 2022

Don’t tell my kids that birth order doesn’t matter.

Statistical studies debunked Alfred Adler’s theory about the supposed birth-order characteristics of children years ago. I don’t care. In my home, the kids will tell you Adler was legit. My oldest is convinced we’re the strictest with her, having to pave the way for others. The middle child, afraid to be overlooked, is loud and boisterous. The baby doesn’t say much at all because he doesn’t have to say much at all. He uses facial gestures instead.

Vail Daily • May 2022

Why am I always so tired?

I asked Google to answer my chronic fatigue problem after signing up for a marathon I never intended to run. One formal-looking site that may or may not employ an actual human said, “Lack of sleep, too much sleep, not enough exercise, too much exercise, heavy exertion, jetlag, or aging.” The last word tripped me up.

Vail Daily | Chacos: The American family tech war • April 2022

The American Family tech war

Feigning inconvenience, I scroll my Facebook feed once a day to keep up with the news. OK, OK. I visit the site a few times a day seeing who’s put on a few pounds, who’s in Mexico together over Spring Break, and who has the nerve to block me and my witty humor.

Vail Daily • March 2022

3 Reasons we love a Snow Day

“Put a spoon under your pillow!” the youngest shouts with glee. The oldest adds, “Everyone knows you have to flush an ice cube down the toilet!” I mentally note my daughter now seems to also be an expert in witchcraft and will circle back to that one later. The middle child scoffs with a “Pfft!” and closes his eyes for the night, trusting his siblings will cast all the right spells. He wants a Snow Day, too, except he’s extraordinarily cool these days to entertain us with his care.

The Colorado Sun • February 2022

Of G-d, big questions, dark alleys, and Whoopi Goldberg

"Do you believe in G-d?” my son asks while I hastily drive him to meet the rabbi for Hebrew school, after yelling “sweet Jesus” to the sweet-looking senior in the left lane driving so slowly it’s as if he’s on a Sunday jaunt through the English countryside, and long before thinking through what I should say to my little seraph.

Post Independent • January 2022

Lauren Boebert is just like me

Lauren Boebert, the freshman Republican congresswoman from Colorado, is just like me. We both call the Rocky Mountains home, although Boebert originally hails from Florida and I’m from Connecticut. That means we both cut our prepubescent teeth on the east coast, and therefore, we both have bold personalities. We both also dabble in politics. Boebert represents Colorado’s 3rd Congressional District, and I vote.

Vail Daily • December 2021

How to stop grown men from squirming when boys wear pink

Kudos to those who listen to the latest conspiracy theories from Tucker Carlson’s minions on cable television and choose not to throat punch them into silence.

Vail Daily • November 2021

How to move past 36-24-36

I walk into these conversations like Mel Gibson in “Braveheart,” but it’s hard to buy what I sell, especially when I think back to my own journey.

Vail Daily • October 2021

The real meaning of Halloween

There’s nothing that encourages me to embrace the irreverent more than haunted houses, skeletons and waxed candy corn. Especially after the crap we’ve had to deal with all year.

Post Independent • September 2021

Age is a number and birthdays are loaded

According to the folks who enter the world on Christmas or Valentine’s Day, timing is everything. An end-of-summer birthday isn’t great either, especially when the vibe is back-to-school shopping and Sunday pigskin.

Scary Mommy • August 2021

What Employers Really Want From Teenagers Today

My very first job was at the local sporting goods store, and it sucked. As a savvy teen, I thought spending my days after school in the sprawling mall (where said employment was located) would improve my social life and give me an opportunity to sample all the vittles in the food court. I had no idea the job would be actual work.

Vail Daily • July 2021

July’s rules and regulations

“Read, now!” said no one ever to my children during the hot, hazy months of summer break. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I promote having literate teenagers in early June with routines around the house. For the better part of July, we still value their education, but seemingly not as much as their curfew creeps to later hours and the chore chart slides off the refrigerator door, wedging between a cabinet and a potato chip, forever gone.

Post Independent • May 2021

Disability and the road to humanity

If you’ve ever cared for someone with a “disability,” you know the outdated label hurts more than your ears. The word ignites the deepest parts of you because it can be the first sign of discrimination calling you to support someone with an ability that falls outside the average bell curve on a variety of metrics we’ve come to agree upon.

Vail Daily | Chacos: The real game is on the sidelines • April 2021

The real game is on the sidelines

That sideline parent is me, parading to the field with a foldable chair, carrying an iced-coffee, armed with a bag of band-aids and a salty vocabulary ready to slay the referee or opponent that meddles with our players. I am part of the 12th man, a mom yearning for the coach’s battle cry and for a friend to ask if I want a hot dog from the vendor two fields over.

Vail Daily | Chacos: Owning up to the 2020-21 school year • March 2021

Owning up to the 2020-21 school year

We named our newest endeavor “Zoom class” and it was zippy and fun to say. Some friends called their quest “hybrid learning,” depending on what part of the country they were from, while others opted for the highbrow tongue twister, “asynchronous education.”

Post Independent | Citizen Telegram | Chacos column: A pandemic Valentine’s Day • February 2021

A pandemic Valentine’s Day

This bloated, overblown, consumer-driven holiday makes me abhor pink and red for the entire month of February. No matter my outward disdain, every year my family finds me sheepishly sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of glue in one hand and glitter in the other making homemade cards anyway. Despite my heartfelt protestations, I’m easily sucked into the bedazzlement of this gimmicky holiday and shower everyone in my path with saccharin treats and silly sentiments. This season feels more