Andrea Chacos

Aspen Times • September 2023

The doyenne of the trail

I’ve always loved guys, especially smart ones with a personality and good looks. But as I get older, I’m attracted to strong, self-assured women even more than Chris Hemsworth and Jason Momoa combined. According to the Cambridge dictionary, the women I’m drawn to have a fancy French name, too. They are called doyenne, and she is the oldest, most experienced, and often most respected woman involved in a particular type of work.

Vail Daily • August 2023

Does nostalgia live up to the hype?

My son watches me put more coins into the slot and the Skee-balls roll into position. He is not excited to watch me toss tiny balls up an incline and over a hump to win tickets for trinkets I don’t need. I let out a whoop. My son lets out a groan.

Colorado Sun • July 2023

Fireworks are this girl’s best friend

The text message said Happy Anniversary but that’s not what made me smile. The end of the two-word wedding anniversary message was punctuated by a fireworks emoji. I’d expect this type of an emoji from my girlfriend after a grueling 24-hour intermittent fast, but not from my husband of 24 years.

Aspen Times • June 2023

Wisdom my graduate will learn from someone else

We were young, naïve backpackers about to embark on a trek through Europe with no plan, no money, and no return ticket home. We told our parents our goal was to spend a year abroad. We made it three months, and I can now concede — 25 years later — part of that was because we ignored their guidance. We came home with wisdom that was best given on the road by someone other than our parents, and it couldn’t have come to us any other way.

Aspen Times • May 2023

How to be a courteous neighbor in dog town

Legend has it that a woman stepped out of her house one morning into piles of dog poop placed on her porch overnight. From what I’ve been told, the neighbors were fed up with her blatant disregard for four-legged fecal etiquette, especially living in a high-density neighborhood. Some claim the landscaping crew was tired of dodging her dog’s landmines in the common area they maintained. Others say...

Colorado Sun • March 2023

Why I finally said goodbye to my best friend

Beer introduced itself to me in high school and hitched a ride with me when I went away to college. We became sloppy roommates and our intimacy peaked over party kegs, a toilet bowl, and pints of ice cream. One day, beer introduced me to tequila, and I fell hard. We were passionate with one another, and our nights often ended in great sex and a better story the next day. We hooked up only occasionally because our love for one another was so intense.

Post Independent | Citizen Telegram • February 2023

Should you take a road trip with your parents?

As a risk-taker, I agreed to go on a road trip to Mexico … with my parents. A better daughter would have said yes without reservation, but I’m the kind of child that weighs the pros and cons with this type of family togetherness. I accepted the challenge, and included my daughter, knowing we would strengthen our family’s bond and simultaneously fray the delicate tapestry we’ve stitched together over the years. I put my trust in the ride.

Aspen Times • January 2023

How to incarcerate the politically incorrect

The words came out of his mouth before I could stop him. “Where are you from?” he asked. The question was directed at two young women (brown), and I was the older bystander (white). As silence parked between the four of us, the confrontational part of my personality shifted into gear because in my spare time I’m also a member of the Politically Correct (PC) police.

Aspen Times • December 2022

‘Tis the season for online-shopping

I needed to have a Snoop on a Stoop seconds after the advertisement popped up on my social-media feed. He’s like an Elf on a Shelf, only he’s black, and he’s smoking. I don’t know anyone else who owns a smoking Elf, let alone a smoking Snoop, so I bought four of them. The reward for my bulk purchase was a 10% discount and free shipping.

Vail Daily • November 2022

Just try it! The universal taste of soccer

We call it soccer while the rest of the planet calls it fútbol. It’s the world’s most popular game and billions will watch it on television when the final FIFA World Cup match is played on Dec. 18 in Qatar. To put that in perspective, only millions tune in when the Super Bowl is on television, even when Tom Brady’s Patriots beat the Seattle Seahawks in 2015.

The Colorado Sun • October 2022

Advocacy for the transgender few does not take rights away from the many

Some individuals claim the LGBTQIA+ population is sinful, harmful, and broken. A local school district disagrees and developed a plan to support their LGBTQIA+ students from further ostracism, demonization, and ignorance against a backdrop of survey results and national statistics indicating this population is at a dramatically increased risk for depression and suicide compared to their peers. These are the facts.

Vail Daily • October 2022

Do I hang onto Halloween when I’m the only one?

I’m in the garage looking for the bin labeled Halloween when I’m told, “It’s way too soon to bring out the skeletons and spider webs.” I try to defend my enthusiasm for the ghoulish tchotchkes that have been buried away for a year, but my youngest child walks out before I can respond. With sweat dripping down my back because the sun still suffocates this time of year, I wonder when everyone in my family turned into such autumnal killjoys.

Vail Daily • September 2022

Are we doomed to have only good vocabulary?

When I hear a fancy word I don’t know, I open my phone and type it into a page titled, “Words to learn and try out in casual conversation without sounding like an idiot.” Then I slip the phone back into my pocket before anyone notices what I’m doing. I’m not erudite or anything, but I simply love the idea of elevated vocabulary. Unfortunately, my overuse of words like, “awesome” and the ubiquitous “motherf%#er” betray my lofty ambitions.

Vail Daily • August 2022

The long road to constitutional equity

Women in our country have been lobbying, challenging, rallying, and fighting for civil rights since the U.S. Constitution was ratified in 1788. “We’ve come a long way, baby,” as the saying goes, yet a woman is nowhere close to having constitutional equality with men. The fight is painstakingly long, riddled with many setbacks, and it’s made more challenging when we fight a system designed to keep us marginalized.

Post Independent | Citizen Telegram • August 2022

What is Forced Family Fun?

I can’t take credit for the term, Forced Family Fun, but I do understand the fundamental principles like I wrote the manual. It’s what another dad I know declares as, “So help me sweet Jesus, we’re having non-negotiable time with the family if it’s the last thing we do.”

The Colorado Sun • June 2022

Don’t tell my kids that birth order doesn’t matter.

Statistical studies debunked Alfred Adler’s theory about the supposed birth-order characteristics of children years ago. I don’t care. In my home, the kids will tell you Adler was legit. My oldest is convinced we’re the strictest with her, having to pave the way for others. The middle child, afraid to be overlooked, is loud and boisterous. The baby doesn’t say much at all because he doesn’t have to say much at all. He uses facial gestures instead.

Vail Daily • May 2022

Why am I always so tired?

I asked Google to answer my chronic fatigue problem after signing up for a marathon I never intended to run. One formal-looking site that may or may not employ an actual human said, “Lack of sleep, too much sleep, not enough exercise, too much exercise, heavy exertion, jetlag, or aging.” The last word tripped me up.

Vail Daily • April 2022

The American Family tech war

Feigning inconvenience, I scroll my Facebook feed once a day to keep up with the news. OK, OK. I visit the site a few times a day seeing who’s put on a few pounds, who’s in Mexico together over Spring Break, and who has the nerve to block me and my witty humor.

Vail Daily • March 2022

3 Reasons we love a Snow Day

“Put a spoon under your pillow!” the youngest shouts with glee. The oldest adds, “Everyone knows you have to flush an ice cube down the toilet!” I mentally note my daughter now seems to also be an expert in witchcraft and will circle back to that one later. The middle child scoffs with a “Pfft!” and closes his eyes for the night, trusting his siblings will cast all the right spells. He wants a Snow Day, too, except he’s extraordinarily cool these days to entertain us with his care.

The Colorado Sun • February 2022

Of G-d, big questions, dark alleys, and Whoopi Goldberg

"Do you believe in G-d?” my son asks while I hastily drive him to meet the rabbi for Hebrew school, after yelling “sweet Jesus” to the sweet-looking senior in the left lane driving so slowly it’s as if he’s on a Sunday jaunt through the English countryside, and long before thinking through what I should say to my little seraph.